summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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