can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
