i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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