We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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