Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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