YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
