just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
