i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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