went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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