What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
