he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
