I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
