chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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