I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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