Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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