I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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