I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
