Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
