A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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