I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize