Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
