and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Come on in and take your pants off
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