How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
