I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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