I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
