Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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