You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
