sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
