she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
