ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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