she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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