How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
