I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
