omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
