Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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