I'm pants shitting drunk right now
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
