If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
