saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
