we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
