Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
