I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
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I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The ass gains better be worth it
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