why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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