Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I got inside last night via doggy door
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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