I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
how drunk are you?
Several
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
