I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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