STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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