Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
