So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
