Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
