i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
