Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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