I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize