Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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