didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
