I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
