Just fell off a train. Bad.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
