The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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