The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
