he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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