and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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