I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my being single is dangerous.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
