I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
