I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
