I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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