upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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