My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize