OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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