I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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