I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
