No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize