now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
